Bless you Tinkette.
Yes I can indentify with lots of things you say. Same as yourself, without going into too much detail, my husband knew he was dying and couldn`t handle it ( but which of us could ? ), he too became very angry, bitter, resentful and took it out on those of us who cared for him. Namely me and my youngest son but we took it on the chin, dealt with it and forgave it, because we loved him.
You`ve had such tough times and now it`s time to smile and live a life full of sunshine. You deserve it.
Lynne

Sorry to hear this, Trinkette. You've really been through the mill haven't you?  I'm sorry for your loss and your struggle, and I'm beyond impressed at how you've survived.

I'm so glad that you and your son are happy and settled now. This wedding is going to be perfect, the icing on the cake and the living proof of happy endings! Plus, you get to pick out a wedding band. What more could you ask for?

Any progress with the planning?

Ahhh, the planning! 

Honestly, since we've both been married before, the wedding itself doesn't seem as critical as it did the first time around.  Perhaps age and wisdom has helped us to get our priorities right this time!  I would like to create a comfortable reception party where everyone is relaxed and there is wonderful music.

Guests for wedding and reception:
I'm still torn between: 1) a teenie-weenie gathering consisting of David's father, daughter, son, daughter-in-law and granddaughter, and my son, my father (who may not be able to make the trip due to health), my brother, sister-in-law and their young son (this is my ENTIRE family) – basically one step away from eloping, which is not totally out of the picture, btw; 2) Those just listed plus about 15-25 more family and very close friends (mostly his).  My two closest girlfriends are on this list, but they live quite far away and given that it is winter, travel would be difficult for them; 3) Then, there is another slightly more extended list, that includes some of my son's friends and families (afterall, it is a FAMILY affair) and a couple of other of David's distant relatives and a few local acquaintances of mine. No more than 50 people total. As of now, option 2 will probably be it.  But, we'll invite quite a few more than the number who will actually be able to attend, I'm sure.

Ceremony and Reception Venue(s):
Either a small, local country church just down the road with extraordinary views and wonderful "karma;" or a Central Virginia "landmark" property, like James Madison's Montpielier, for example; or a country inn. If we go with the church, we need to find a reception area, which means travel between ceremony and reception.  The closest is a lovely German (huh?) restaurant about 5 miles down the road.  It has great ambiance, food, and staff.  BUT, as we don't attend this particular church, I'm a little unsure about "barging" in. If we choose a "landmark" property, it would have to be catered; and, most likely, a country inn could handle both wedding and reception. For these two, the local sherriff is a good friend and next-door neighbor and, over-and-over-again during the last year, he has invited himself to oversee our wedding.  He'd be the man for a secular ceremony!

Honeymoon:
David has a seldom-used timeshare in Hawaii and we have a trip planned for Easter time.  So, we'll take just a few days to ourselves for the "official" honeymoon after we're married. Right now, I'm thinking about the beautiful Hay-Adams hotel in Washington, DC. We can do a little sightseeing, visit the Smithsonian, stuff like that. Then, in a few weeks, all THREE of us will make the Hawaii trip (can't have my son miss out on THAT!). But, I'm open to ANY suggestions regarding our little honeymoon.

So, this week, I'm in the process of seeing what is available, what things cost, and all that good stuff.  I haven't attacked ceremony specifics, photography, food, cake (Mrs. M., the offer is still open!), or a dress (at 40 pounds overweight and VERY generous up-top, so to speak, the dress has become quite an issue for me). 

SO MUCH to decide...

The dress was an issue for me too. I don't tend to wear dresses and never think that they flatter. The best solution I found was going to a really really good dressmaker. She sketched, draped and pinned fabric until we found what hangs best on me. No issues about standard sizing, modifying existing designs etc, she just made it to fit my dimensions and tastes. It was perfect. Turned out to be good fun, too. It took her a fortnight to make, which is about one sixtieth of the time bridal salons take to order in a stock dress and tailor it to fit.

Best thing is that she now has my measurements, body type, fabric and style preferences etc written down and sketched. If I want a dress/ suit/ whatever, I phone up with a rough description of required garment and in a couple of weeks, it arrives. I detest shopping, so this is a good arrangement for me. I just wish she'd learn to make maternity jeans.

Wish I`d thought of that Jen. We arranged our wedding in just 11 weeks and yes everybody thought I was pregnant.
About 4 weeks before the date I still hadn`t thought about what to wear. My Mother was insistant her daughter would marry in traditional garb but I was all for hot pants and knee length boots ( it was 1973 ) but I didn`t have the heart to give her more grey hairs than she already had.
In the end I rushed into a Manchester bridal shop, tried on just 2 wedding dresses, chose the one which look less like a lace tablecloth, wore it for the half hour church ceremony and then changed into something more comfortable for the rest of the day. The photographer had to run to keep up with me so he could take the required photographs of me resembling a combination of the Virgin Mary / Barbie / a Christmas Tree !
Oh how I wish I`d held out for the hotpants ....

Ah but your Mother didn`t have MY Mother as her Mother lol.
MY Mother would have made her wear a vest and would have stitched another 2 ft of fabric to her dress hem !

Mrs. M, great deal!  I'm afraid that I'll have to go the dressmaker route (better get on it soon!) or go up to the Washington DC area and spend a little fortune...

HOWEVER, my experiences with dressmakers have NOT been the best.  I have a few wedding-related stories that would scare you away from dressmakers FOREVER! One story, when I was a bridesmaid, is actually pretty hilarious... (if you want to hear it, I'll post it, but it is LONG).

DJM, I'm sorry about your unhappy history with your Father.  But, at least now you know that it was NOT you and that he really was very ill.  As difficult as it all was, you are a stronger and more compassionate parent and husband today. He loved you.

Also, DJM, I'm sure that it WAS your father in your "dream." I've had many incidences like that. The most recent involved my Grandmother and Grandfather.  There is NO DOUBT that my Grandmother was "with" me for quite awhile after my husband died, and during my transition from New England to here.  It was wierd, but, she was HERE.  Right in front and above me... her "feeling," "essence," "presence," "soul," "spirit," – whatever you want to call it, was crystal clear to me.

Understand, there was NO reason for me to move here.  When I first began looking to move from New England, I had never been to Virginia before. I had no family here, and just one acquaintance.  But, I KNEW this was where I was supposed to go.

I first met David, for moments only, on a real estate hunt before I moved here.  At the time, I felt a little thump on my head.  Like a tap. Very distinct. Although I met Daivd briefly, he was JUST a man in a real estate office, and I didn't see him for many months after that, for some reason, I remembered the "thump" feeling. And, my Grandmother was with me everywhere.  Then, one night I awoke after a dream about my Grandfather.  When I was little, he used to "thump" me on the head with the back of his ring if I'd been naughty.  He'd probably done it two or three times. Tops.  He did it inmy dream. That THUMP was the EXACT feeling that I'd gotten when I met David.  Then, a few weeks after David and I realized that we were on SOME sort of lifelong course, I couldn't feel my Grandmother around me anymore.  I tried.  She was gone. I realize that some people will think that I "imagined" her to help me though a difficult time, but that is not my style.  And, I have many other experiences like that to bounce that sort of theory. Plus, there were several other strange occurances about my moving here, I won't go in to it all now.

Back to dresses: thanks to a DRESSMAKER (a-hem), before my first wedding, I was out purchasing an outfit for my Rehersal dinner just an hour before the dinner...

I'd have to say, that depending upon the illness, it can definitely change a person's personality all together.  Plus, there is so much that we don't understand about the human brain and chemistry.  For example, there are a host of "psychological" conditions that lay undiagnosed or even dormant until age or stress become a factor... people DO change.  LJ, just remember that you are not Superwoman.  Give yourself the same amount of patience and understanding that you give your Dad and others.  You are not expected to have all the answers, to be perfect all the time, and you are not alone...

How cool to know that your grandparents were watching over you like that, Trinkette. They must love you very much!

As for the dressmaker, the downside to the plan is that you have to have a really, really good one or it becomes traumatic. My bridesmaids dresses were made by the same person at the same time as my dress and she got a bit carried away with the boning in the bodices. My best friend tells me that the dress had independent movement and by the end of the evening, she was holding onto it for support when she got unsteady on her feet.

She still wears it to formal events, because it was evening dress style. She assures me that it still has a life of its own and that between wearings, it wanders round the house and straightens out her closets. Either the dress really was amazing or it's left mental scars...

Wow David you look SO much like your Dad. Yes he would certainly be proud of you that`s for sure. Such a special moment you`ve shared with us. Thank you.
Lynne

What a good looking man! And with such a happy face! I am sure he was well known for his good sense of humor and happy laughter.

Thank you for sharing. 

What a wonderful thing to have found, David. You really do take after your father! Thanks for sharing such a precious little moment in time with us. Looked like a very joyful day. How lovely that this shows your father laughing and happy.

Soooooooooooooo, um, David... do YOU kiss all the gals like that?