Author Topic: Dealing with pre-school marauders......  (Read 1190 times)

Offline Diamondsbylauren

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Dealing with pre-school marauders......
« on: April 08, 2013, 01:08:42 PM »
OK, I need some help here.
DS has a pre-school friend- a young lady......with the mouth of a truck driver.
And also very aggressive in terms of physical behavior.
She can beat up DS because he won't fight back- he's a gentleman.

Speaking with the school admins, and psychologist, we realize that playdates with the young lady are not a good idea.
We car pool with this family, and last night the mom asked to schedule a playdate for today.
I told her DS was busy with another playdate....but I can't keep using this excuse....
Suggestions on how to handle this are very welcome......

David
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Offline djm195

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Re: Dealing with pre-school marauders......
« Reply #1 on: April 08, 2013, 01:51:17 PM »
David, if it were me, I would be totally open with her. Tell Mom that your DS has expressed to you about her aggressiveness when they play together. (If you or Sandra have personally withnessed this girl's behavior then say that instead). Just state you don't think play dates would be possible at this time and then leave it at that.
« Last Edit: April 08, 2013, 01:52:29 PM by djm195 »

Offline Trinkette

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Re: Dealing with pre-school marauders......
« Reply #2 on: April 08, 2013, 02:06:52 PM »
I agree. Open is best. However, for the sake of the relationship and the possibility that you may interact with this family for years to come I'd frame the issue very carefully. But still, stick to your guns.

Perhaps, it is possible to describe the issue to the parent(s) from DS's point of view one of fear and discomfort and then "suggest" the kids "take a break" from any out-of-school activities together until DS feels more secure/comfortable. In short, state the facts, but voice concerns about YOUR child's psyche rather than blame the behavior of the OTHER child. Make sense? Hopefully, this approach is less inflammatory, and regardless, they SHOULD get the message.

Offline Trinkette

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Re: Dealing with pre-school marauders......
« Reply #3 on: April 08, 2013, 02:09:37 PM »
Of course, if you don't ever want to see or speak to these people again, just send them one of DJM's coconuts. That will take care of it.  ::)

Offline djm195

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Re: Dealing with pre-school marauders......
« Reply #4 on: April 08, 2013, 02:24:20 PM »
 :rotflmao: Yeah, then they'll be the ones who need counseling.

Offline Trinkette

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Re: Dealing with pre-school marauders......
« Reply #5 on: April 08, 2013, 02:28:21 PM »
 Problem Solved! :chestbump:

Offline Trinkette

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Re: Dealing with pre-school marauders......
« Reply #6 on: April 08, 2013, 02:29:44 PM »
Sorry, D. I know this is a serious issue. No more threadjack. Promise.  ;)

Offline Trinkette

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Re: Dealing with pre-school marauders......
« Reply #7 on: April 08, 2013, 02:34:49 PM »
Quote
but I can't keep using this excuse....

Actually, D, as an alternative to being open about the issue, you CAN keep doing that. As awkward as it is, EVENTUALLY they will get the message. Of course, they may come straight out and ask you what's up. Then, you're back to square one. Or, they'll just think you're rude and/or weird.

Offline Diamondsbylauren

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Re: Dealing with pre-school marauders......
« Reply #8 on: April 08, 2013, 02:44:16 PM »
NO need to apologize- levity is a great ingredient in any discussion - no matter the gravity.
I think the advice to handle the issue head on is best.
I'd really appreciate the same respect f the shoe was on the other foot.
David
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Offline ElaineDBL

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Re: Dealing with pre-school marauders......
« Reply #9 on: April 08, 2013, 02:54:38 PM »
Quote
but I can't keep using this excuse....

Actually, D, as an alternative to being open about the issue, you CAN keep doing that. As awkward as it is, EVENTUALLY they will get the message. Of course, they may come straight out and ask you what's up. Then, you're back to square one. Or, they'll just think you're rude and/or weird.
I have to agree with this really.  You *can* keep giving excuses like that if that's what you and your wife want to do.

First, how close are you to the family?  If it is merely carpooling and more of a casual basis, then I don't know how honest I could be.  We had our own issues at school (but not handled well obviously by our school admins) and we were just able to be vague.  "Let me check my calendar" if a date wasn't really given or "we're busy X days"  A lot of time it was somewhat the truth.  I'd have time scheduled for my son to hang with my dad or something and I could easily break that, but it was a nice excuse for many of the days we had off.

You can also use any psychologist solutions in a vague way.  "Right now play dates are not a good idea"  and leave it at that.  As we were slowly breaking some ties with the school I even said "we are removing DS from X extra activity due to the suggestion of the pediatrician"  It doesn't have to be pointing fingers, but it is still the truth.

If you are closer friends, then I would be honest.  If you aren't close since the school is already involved, I wouldn't be shocked if the parent already knows what is going on and maybe is hoping a one on one might help - not knowing what has been suggested to you.  If it is any of that, then I might have a nice conversation with them if you feel comfortable.

Last option if you can drive your DS in all by yourself no worries and don't care if they never speak to you again, then I'd break out the coconuts ;)
« Last Edit: April 08, 2013, 02:55:36 PM by clgwli »
Squiggly

Offline Rexelle

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Re: Dealing with pre-school marauders......
« Reply #10 on: April 08, 2013, 02:55:03 PM »
As I am on the second go around with kids (smack me upside the head. WHAT was I thinking?!!I could've had more diamonds instead!!) ;)...........practise these phrases in the mirror for use with the parents involved until you are comfortable using them..........

"That won't work for us."
"I'll have to get back to you."
"We are taking a break from our crazy schedules right now for family-only time."

and finally,.... "No", or "No, thank you". (It's a complete sentence!LOL!)

Then, when (or IF!) you are ever ready, you can try to gently discuss the behaviour of their "Little Princess", but be prepared for THAT discussion to not go down too well, and for them to cue the Cat-Butt-Face (CBF), and be all Butt-hurt. Believe me, No-one wants to hear that their child is THAT bad. One of my girls was terrible, too, for a while, and it was a rough time getting her straightened out .....but my boys, of course, are a different story!

Alternatively, you can just become the heavy-handed parent, (this often works when accompanied by the phrase " I am cracking down hard on my child to correct X.Y., and so I must insist on correcting...blah, blah",.....) and then it's YOU who intervense and corrects every child every time something happens that is contrary to what you want, and then you are on their child, and yours, like a rash/white on rice during every playdate, for all of the playdate.........Sigh. And THAT sure is hard work.

So sorry you are in the middle of this!!! :(
I'm sure I will be too in the not so distant future!!

M
« Last Edit: April 08, 2013, 03:00:30 PM by Rexelle »

Offline Trinkette

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Re: Dealing with pre-school marauders......
« Reply #11 on: April 08, 2013, 06:12:03 PM »
Really, its easiest to just send the coconuts.  :dontknow:

Offline djm195

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Re: Dealing with pre-school marauders......
« Reply #12 on: April 08, 2013, 06:14:35 PM »
 :giveup: :rotflmao: you. kill. me.
« Last Edit: April 08, 2013, 06:15:20 PM by djm195 »

Offline Trinkette

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Re: Dealing with pre-school marauders......
« Reply #13 on: April 08, 2013, 06:37:45 PM »
 :bliss: :chestbump: :bliss:

Offline Diamondsbylauren

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Re: Dealing with pre-school marauders......
« Reply #14 on: April 08, 2013, 09:02:53 PM »
No prob, DW sent some coconuts, so it's out of my hands.
Seriously she found a way to broach the subject gently.
There's three kids in the class that have this same type of problem.
So DW mentioned that "a lot of kids" have the behavior of hitting DS so as not to single out her daughter.
I feel really bad for the little girl- but whe I saw her attack DS I practically freaked out myself. It was way more viscous than when DS#1 attacks DS jr. ( or vice versa) Like every 10 minutes........
David
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Offline ElaineDBL

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Re: Dealing with pre-school marauders......
« Reply #15 on: April 08, 2013, 09:36:55 PM »
As a parent it absolutely astounds me how much bullying goes on even at this age.  I mean I was seriously floored myself seeing/hearing some of what went on in classrooms.  I do hope for your DS's sake that they are very on top of it and helping him out.  I say that only because you know the story of what we went through.  I saw my own little gentleman turn not so gentleman-y because of it too :(  At least in our case we aren't seemingly dealing with long term effects of it all (though I still worry he has learned to retaliate too much at times).  Anyway it's just so sad when kids are in environments like that especially when they are so young.

I am glad that your wife figured out a good way to handle it though.  Give lots of love to your family and I hope everything calms down soon.
Squiggly