Author Topic: 16 weeks to go and counting  (Read 17289 times)

Offline Awestruck

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16 weeks to go and counting
« on: May 14, 2011, 09:12:19 AM »
This year seems to have been the year for DBL weddings.
GIA and DJ have theirs over and done with, the photos are stunning and the dresses were divine. Thankfully both weddings went without a hitch so it seems.
All of this wedding chat made me count how many weeks to mine and I was surprised to discover it`s just 16 weeks from today.
Mr Awestruck says I`m so laid back I`m horizontal and he`s the one suffering with stress and nervousness. It`s 40 years and 38 years respectively since our first weddings so you could say times have changed.
My view is as long as he turns up, I turn up and the registrar turns up, then whatever else may go wrong, we still have a wedding.
My dress has arrived and I have a fitting in June. It`s been so long since I tried on the sample dress that I`ve forgotten what it looks like. Heaven knows what else I`ve forgotten ...

The one downside is my oldest son is being posted again in July and he`s likely to be away a lot in his new job. He`s in the Army and is supposed to be giving me away. Thankfully I have 2 other sons who are more than happy to step up to the mark if needs be but I`ll be gutted if all 3 of them aren`t there.
So the clock is now ticking ...
Diamonds are like people, put them under a microscope and you`ll always see a flaw but hold them up to the Sun and each and every one is beautiful.

Offline GIAGirl

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Re: 16 weeks to go and counting
« Reply #1 on: May 14, 2011, 09:40:41 AM »
OK...BREATHE! Don't start freaking out.  Easier said than done.  I just kept repeating that mantra "that if we were married by the end of the day" we would be good to go.

You have three sons, one of them will be there for sure. 

The dress will take your breath away just like before.

No one will know what went wrong, if it happens to go wrong.


Offline annie1

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Re: 16 weeks to go and counting
« Reply #2 on: May 14, 2011, 11:14:03 AM »
Eeeek!  I'm so excited for you, Lynne!  Everything is going to be perfect.   :)

I'm sorry to hear there's a doubt about your son being there, but hopefully he'll be able to work it out. 
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Offline Mrs Mitchell

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Re: 16 weeks to go and counting
« Reply #3 on: May 14, 2011, 03:10:20 PM »
It's going to be a fantastic wedding - you have such a laid back attitude! I'm going to keep my fingers crossed that your sons will all be there, and I can't wait to see the photos! (I'd offer my services as official CDI photographer, but um, my photos are a bit hit-or-miss. ;D)

As you say, whatever else happens, if both of you and the registrar are there, you'll have a wedding. You'll also have a rather nice dress watch... ;)
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Offline clgwli

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Re: 16 weeks to go and counting
« Reply #4 on: May 14, 2011, 09:47:55 PM »
I love you attitude.  I had a similar one for my wedding over a decade ago (eek) and if you can keep it, you will love your day.  I just hope your 3 sons can all be there in person for the wedding.

I know you are going to be a beautiful bride :)
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Offline Awestruck

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Re: 16 weeks to go and counting
« Reply #5 on: June 13, 2011, 06:15:57 PM »
Oh dear now it`s just 11 weeks to go and the stress is kicking in big style !
I recently started a new ( temporary ) job so I`m hardly at home and I`m trying to empty my house, move into his house, organise a wedding and arrange bridesmaids fittings for the girls who are holidaying at different times with their respective parents. The only time I can get all of them together is the 13th August for their first fitting followed by another fitting on the 20th so fingers crossed nothing is wrong with their dresses .....
Mr Awestruck`s son is to be bestman and he catagorically refuses to say a few words at our reception. I keep asking myself is it me being sensitive or am I right to feel somewhat p*ssed at this ? His Dad`s remarrying and you`d think it would kill his son to wish us well and say a few words to our guests but no way is he willing to. Mr Awestruck just shrugs his shoulders and says oh well I can`t make him .....
On top of that Mr Awestruck`s daughter is acting as if she`s working for the secret service. She`s arranged a hairdresser to do the girls hair but hasn`t discussed with me how I`d like it to be styled, she`s decided her and her girls will get ready alone and not with me so I won`t even see them until I actually arrive for the ceremony and all in all I`m somewhat sick of his kids.

Sorry for the moan but I am totally fedup !
Diamonds are like people, put them under a microscope and you`ll always see a flaw but hold them up to the Sun and each and every one is beautiful.

Offline clgwli

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Re: 16 weeks to go and counting
« Reply #6 on: June 13, 2011, 06:54:32 PM »
Okay the voice of reason here.  Is the son not willing to say something because he is afraid to talk in public?  Does he have some sort of other hang up?

Before you get upset totally ask him why.  I would be upset depending on the reason.  If he's afraid to talk in public that's a whole other thing.  Or something like that.

The daughter though is acting spoiled and selfish IMO.  Wonder if she's jealous and wants to pretend she's a bride again?  I'd be annoyed at that and have a few words with her.  Or better yet her hairdresser before hand ;)

Hang in there.  You'll make it!  But remember the most important part, you will be married.  The rest of it is lovely but what matters is the marriage :)
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Offline Kris43

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Re: 16 weeks to go and counting
« Reply #7 on: June 13, 2011, 07:28:50 PM »
Awestruck- I have been having some major issues with my in-laws and I have seriously been asking myself if I can handle this for the rest of my life. I love my husband more than words but having to deal with his family had been, to say the least, a challenge. My dad came over the other day and was listening to me moan and complain and after about 15 minutes he asked if he could say something. I of course said sure be my guest. He told me that he thought I was trying to control the situation and letting my feelings be hurt over things that I had no control over. He said I was putting to much of a "load" on the relationships. That the only person I have control over is me and all I can do is be myself and if they don't like it then too bad.

My point is that you've let it be known what you want on your day and if his children aren't mature enough to act like adults and put their feelings aside for the happiness of their father and soon to be stepmother then let it go. I understand your hurt feelings but please don't hold on to it and let them bring anymore negativity to your special day. You being hurt and pi**ed isn't affecting them it's only hurting you and your soon to be husband. If they want to miss out on creating some special, wonderful moments then that's on them and they are the ones that look like spoiled ingrates. I would understand if his son doesn't want to speak because he has serious stage fright but if it is for some other reason then shame on him. His Father has met someone that he can spend the rest of his life with and that makes him happy. They should all be so thankful for that and rejoice in the love. Unfortunately life doesn't always work out like it should.

I am trying to keep my fathers advice in the fore front of my mind even on the days that I am having a seriously hard time dealing. He calls them "no load relationships". Be yourself if others don't like it then screw them and let other people be who they are. Trying to control others gets us no where but miserable and angry when they don't conform. I understand that all you did was ask them to be a larger part of your day then they seem to want to be. I'm sure that hurts and confuses you. It would me any way. Try not to let their immaturity put even the slightest damper on you beautiful day. Not only will you be happier if you just let it roll off but your future Hubby will appreciate you even that much more.  I hope you aren't put off by this comment or letter ha. I just got some sound advice the other day and was wanting to pass it on in hopes that it would make someone else feel a little less heavy as it did me. :1857272:

P.S. It is totally okay to vent and complain and get it off of your chest though. If I couldn't do that I think I might explode. I just have to try to do better at letting it go after I talk about it. I'm a major work in progress.

Offline DiamondsAreForever

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Re: 16 weeks to go and counting
« Reply #8 on: June 13, 2011, 08:15:01 PM »
I was wondering if DSS has a phobia about public speaking.  If he's of age, maybe a drink or two before would relax him.  Your DSD IS being very immature.  It is your day and you should have a significant input as to how things look.  I hope they all see the light of day for you and make your day as special as you hope it to be.

Offline GIAGirl

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Re: 16 weeks to go and counting
« Reply #9 on: June 13, 2011, 08:19:00 PM »
Why do people just act crazy before the wedding?  I had one person just be a total nightmare from the very beginning.  When I tried to kick her out....she got mad.  All in all it worked out but I was dead tired during the wedding from not sleeping for about 12 weeks straight worrying about this one person and all the drama she was causing.  

My friend who lives in the same town said that she had to explain to her why I was so upset at her.  I am not sure if she really ever understood how much pressure I was under and how much planning went into it....she never had a wedding....my friend thinks she was a little jealous.

Please don't let Mr. Awestruck's children mess up your day.  How bad can their hair be?  Sounds like she likes the fact that she has control over this one little aspect.  Don't let her get to you.

How old is Mr. Awestruck's son?

Offline ah2bqat

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Re: 16 weeks to go and counting
« Reply #10 on: June 14, 2011, 12:03:30 AM »
 Oh, Lynne :hugging:

There are always going to be some people you'll just never be able to please.  Just go your merry way and ignore her.  You've already made enough changes trying to accommodate her whims.  

I just feel sorry for her daughters.  They are going to miss all the excitement and  joy all you other girls are going to generate getting ready together.  That's such a bonding moment for so many  

I would still make my wishes known as to the styling of the girls' hair, and do include example fotos, if possible.  And perhaps run the packet by Mr Awesome.  At least then you'll know you've done everything you possibly can to make those granddaughters feel as much a  in sync with all the other girls.  

Now, pour yourself a glass of wine, take off your shoes, put on your tiara, and repeat after me: 'There's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home.'  Close yours eyes, think of the one person who makes it a home for you, and take a sip of wine.  He may not suddenly appear magically in front of you, but hey, it should help you relax and regain perspective.  Love you , girl! :-*
Auntie Dammit :Heart: DBL!

Offline Awestruck

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Re: 16 weeks to go and counting
« Reply #11 on: June 14, 2011, 02:07:30 AM »
Thank you guys. I guess I`m just tired and things got on top of me.
GIA Mr Awestruck`s son is 33 and his wife left him 2 years ago with their 2 children and since then he`s been one of those bitter, cynical people who have a massive downer on marriage. He told his dad he couldn`t believe he was being stupid enough to marry again but what he fails to understand is his Dad is nearly 60, was married for a long long time to his first wife and neither me nor him have had unhappy marriages so we don`t have a downer on it. The  reason he won`t say a few words at the wedding is because he basically doesn`t agree with it. Mr Awestruck is just SO grateful his son has agreed to be his bestman he isn`t prepared to rock any boats by broaching the subject with him.
As for his daughter, well she`s always been hard work ever since I first met her dad and my Mother had a saying " never expect anything but a grunt from a pig" so i don`t ...
I think Mr Awestruck is hurt by their behaviour but he doesn`t want to give them a reason to say they won`t come to the wedding so he says nothing to them.
Yes I agree the marriage is far more important than the wedding but after all we`ve been through losing our previous spouses we wanted a happy day when people could have fun and we could celebrate with our families and friends, 99% of whom are delighted for us.
I`ve decided I`m going to switch off from them both and look to myself, my own kids and grandkids and to hell with them,

Diamonds are like people, put them under a microscope and you`ll always see a flaw but hold them up to the Sun and each and every one is beautiful.

Offline Mrs Mitchell

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Re: 16 weeks to go and counting
« Reply #12 on: June 14, 2011, 03:57:47 AM »
The last line of your post is just exactly what I was about to say! They have their issues, and none of them are about you - unfortunately, you're just bearing the brunt of them right now because your wedding is giving them a focus for their discontent.

You're going to have a fantastic, happy day. I'm told there was all sorts of in-law bad behaviour at my own wedding, and I was utterly oblivious to it. It was our day, not theirs and we were wrapped up in each other, so we looked at all the rest of it through rose-tinted spectacles.  ;)

I know this is probably a slightly stupid thing to say, but try to enjoy the planning - how often do we get to plan our wedding?!

Hugs.xxx
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Offline saqsay1

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Re: 16 weeks to go and counting
« Reply #13 on: June 14, 2011, 06:21:04 AM »
When my Mom remarried 20+ yrs ago, my stepsister was rude to her and ignored her at family gatherings, never bought her gifts for Christmas (deliberate snub there, as she would be the only one not to get one), etc. It was very mean spirited. Unfortunately, nothing much has changed  in the 20+ yrs and she is now in her mid 40's. I guess what I'm trying to say is....
This guy is 33 going on 15. Honestly, I don't know why some "kids" have such a hard time being happy for there parents when they remarry. Unfortunately, I doubt his attitude will ever change, so don't even waste your time on him. It will be your special day... so focus only on that and each other.

Oh, and if there is a children's table at the reception... seat him there  ;D
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Offline clgwli

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Re: 16 weeks to go and counting
« Reply #14 on: June 14, 2011, 07:04:03 AM »
I feel sorry for the son that he is that cynical about life and marriage.  I wouldn't push him at all but just hope that some day the bitterness will go away for him.

The daughter?  I'd do just as you said.  She sounds like a sad little thing as well.

Celebrate your life and your love - to hell with them all!

I really wish you weren't going through all of that though :(
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Offline djm195

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Re: 16 weeks to go and counting
« Reply #15 on: June 14, 2011, 10:02:50 AM »
Lynn, Lynn, Lynn...get over here so I could give you a giant hug.  :-\

I am so sorry that they are "trying" to ruin this for you. (Notice how I said trying?). 

You've gotten some real good advice from the others so I won't add mine. All I want you to know is that I will be praying for you and your FDH and wish you all the very best. You both deserve it.

And PS:  I loved what Kris said about "no load relationships". God, I got to remember that one.

Much love,
djm

Offline lovecolor

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Re: 16 weeks to go and counting
« Reply #16 on: June 14, 2011, 10:57:09 AM »
Here comes my  :My2cents:   Lynn,

When one of my in-laws makes me angry...I find that "pity" is the antidote!  That sad and angry son of your FDH and his selfish and scared little sister of his are showing signs of fear. Their insensitive behavior is purely a manifestation of that fear, and that's just sad for them...!   As I see it, fear is the opposite of love and anything that is not done out of love is done out of fear.   and it's obvious that they aren't able to fully love at this time.  Their hearts are closed to the good things that are around them...And that is their problem.       Try to feel sorry for them, because they're heads are in bad places.  You can easily rise above their pettiness because you know you have the love that keeps you strong and keeps your heart open.  It will be a pity if they don't open their hearts to you and your FDH soon,  but you can feel sorry for them because you are in a better place and that's why you will have a wonderful wedding! So, Don't Worry...Be Happy!   We're all sending you our love and happiness for you and your FDH on your wedding day!  Feel those good vibes and keep smiling!       :vibes: 

(p.s. vent again whenever you feel the need, it's good to get it out !)  >:D

Offline GIAGirl

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Re: 16 weeks to go and counting
« Reply #17 on: June 14, 2011, 09:00:55 PM »
 :tard:  I hate this.  I hope they will one day give up because this much hate takes so much energy.  Maybe they will understand this one day. 

Offline oldmancoyote

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Re: 16 weeks to go and counting
« Reply #18 on: June 15, 2011, 04:20:33 AM »
"Chi dice parenti, dice serpenti". (Who says relatives, says snakes). 'nuff said.

:snake:

Offline saqsay1

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Re: 16 weeks to go and counting
« Reply #19 on: June 15, 2011, 03:06:21 PM »
I agree with OMC... don't waste your time or your happiness on these 'kids'.... consider them a lost cause. Be happy  :)
« Last Edit: June 15, 2011, 03:10:24 PM by saqsay1 »
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Offline dovesgate

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Re: 16 weeks to go and counting
« Reply #20 on: June 16, 2011, 04:19:25 PM »
There are always going to be people you cannot make happy.

When hubby and I got married, I had some in-law drama. Mostly my mother-in-law having definite ideas on how things should be done. Her third wedding was an affair where she did most of the cooking including baking her own cake. She also made her own dress and those of her daughters. Needless to say, she kept trying to get Hubby to get me to agree to do my own cooking and she'd make my dress. I gave her a chance - I sent her pictures of what I wanted. Every time I did, she would try to steer me in a different direction, towards what she wanted. So I decided just to do it my way. Put my foot down about cooking in my gorgeous white gown. Ordered a cake. Found the most gorgeous gown. Oh how I loved it - and she tried the whole time I was going in for fittings and such to get my money back and go thrift store shopping to find a less expensive one.

We had a small church ceremony planned near our home and were still debating our reception options when my father generously offered to pay for the ceremony with one condition- we had to move the wedding to Vegas, a more neutral territory (bad blood between my parents ever since they split when I was 4). Mother-in-law threw a bit of a tantrum. To this day, I still don't know why considering everyone had to travel to our wedding anyway. Plus, he was willing to pay for anywhere I wanted so I was able to have the wedding I always dreamed of in a gorgeous lakeside garden ceremony with some Vegas kitch thrown in for the fun of it. Hubs didn't care as long as it was what I wanted. So when my maid of honor, who had moved to Texas and ended up not being able to come to the wedding had to back out, I asked hubs' 2 younger sisters to stand in as bridesmaids. MIL took the Vegas location and ran with it. Knowing it was a garden location off strip, she found these old cocktail waitress dresses for her daughters (who were 14 and 16 btw) and sent me the pictures. Dear lord. They were the most hideous taffeta creations ever. And being a pretty laid back bride, I only specified they be royal, cobalt, or navy blue and appropriate for an early evening/late afternoon garden wedding. And yes, I used GARDEN as much with her as I just have here lol. Needless to say, I was scouring my town and the next town over 1 week before my wedding, trying to find something age and occasion appropriate. Thank God for Ross. Last minute dresses were not in the budget but I found two that even matched even though I had to dye them blue since they were ivory.

By that time, I was simply determined to get through the day without losing my cool. I did it too even though I nearly lost it when I found out my dress was ruined right before the ceremony with a huge swathe of grease or oil because the limo driver (Elvis impersonator - go figure lol) failed to clean inside the door well of the car before anyone got in. I just decided "screw everyone and everything else, we're getting married and that's all that matters."

So, my advice is just to let the little things go.  Yes, it's your wedding day. Yes you want it to be the way you want it. But some things aren't getting upset about when you remember it's about you and your husband to be and celebrating your life together. If FDIL needs to have control of her and her daughters hair, let her. It won't ruin your pictures because hopefully all you remember is your joy and happiness. Your FSIL will probably regret not giving a speech once he gets past the bitterness of his failed marriage. Above all, don't let them see how badly they make you feel or else they will feel justified.

Offline Awestruck

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Re: 16 weeks to go and counting
« Reply #21 on: June 18, 2011, 10:36:44 AM »
As per usual there are some wise comments made on the forum and I appreciate all of them.
A few days ago I had a long chat with Mr Awestruck about his kids behaviour. They`re both in their 30`s, both are or have been married and both have kids of their own so you`d expect better of them.
Anyway Mr Awestruck ( bless him ) said " Lynne, I will always love my kids no matter what they do, but there are days I dislike them, especially if it upsets you " so we both agreed to just get on with life, enjoy the rest of the wedding arrangements and thankfully we don`t have to live with any of the kids.
Ellis ( Mr Awestruck ) has appreciated my own 3 sons for their positive input and their happy participation in the wedding and they love him too, treat him with the respect he deserves and laughingly wish him the best of luck when he marries their Mother !
Mr Awestruck`s daughter can dress, style or manage her daughters whichever way she chooses on my wedding day and as long as those little girls have a good time and love being little Princesses for the day, then that`s all which matters to me and my own 2 grand daughters will be with me from morning til night so it`s her loss not to join in the fun of getting ready together and being together.
Ellis intends to make his speech then hand right over to my son to make a speech so the bestman ( his son ) can just sit there and look like the sulky cynic he is !
So all in all I`m feeling a lot more positive about the day and I have Mr Awestruck to thank for that.
Diamonds are like people, put them under a microscope and you`ll always see a flaw but hold them up to the Sun and each and every one is beautiful.

Offline lovecolor

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Re: 16 weeks to go and counting
« Reply #22 on: June 18, 2011, 10:48:26 AM »
YAY!!!  I love your attitude and  Mr. Awestruck's as well!  LOVE IS IN THE AIR and in your hearts...that's all that needs to be there for you guys to have the day you deserve.  You both are Awesome!!!   :bigclap:   :-*

Offline Mrs Mitchell

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Re: 16 weeks to go and counting
« Reply #23 on: June 18, 2011, 10:49:01 AM »
Says a lot that the one person who can make it right for you is the one you're marrying! Sure, he can't fix it, but he can make it right, and he's one in a million. I'm so glad you're feeling better about it all, and I'm glad it was Mr Awestruck who made that happen.
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Offline Foxylady

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Re: 16 weeks to go and counting
« Reply #24 on: June 18, 2011, 03:49:38 PM »
Awestruck you have a wonderful man there, have a great day and a wonderful life together. x

Foxylady  :heart2: