Stupid Joke Thread

[Trinkette]

Creative Neighbors

[Snooper]

 

[djm195]

Creative Neighbors

LMAO!! Could you imagine pruning that baby? My eyes would be tearing from laughing so hard, I'd end up giving it a colonoscopy!!!

[Trinkette]

*SIGH* I got stopped for speeding the other day.  I thought that I could talk my way out of it until the cop looked at my dog in the back seat...

[acebruin]

 

[luvnjewelry]

 


The kid going down the slide really.............






grates me!!   


DJM... "colonoscopy" and "pruning" in the same sentence!!   LMAO!!

[BigRed]

  That chinese toy recall one is the best!!!!! LMAO about the dog too!

[IhaveaDiamondproblem]

 

<gasps> <snorts>

Trinkette, those are freakin' hilarious!!!!!!!!

[GracefulLion]

Trinkette, do you make these yourself with photoshop, or do you find them?  You are hilarious!!

[luvnjewelry]

 

A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day. So she eases it
over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car
and opens the trunk. She takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands
them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic.


The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies
to approaching drivers...


Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn't
very long before a police car arrives. The officer, clearly angry, approached
the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What's going on here?"


"My car broke down officer," says the woman.


"Well, what the hell are those obscene cardboard pictures doing there by
the road?" asks the officer.


"Helllllooooo... those are my emergency flashers!" she replied.

[luvnjewelry]

The Plight of the Tree Hugger

A woman from Los Angeles , who was a tree hugger and an anti-hunter,
purchased a piece of timberland, near Grants Pass , Oregon . There was a
large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a
good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb
the big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that
attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree
to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch.

In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor she told
him she was an environmentalist and an anti-hunter and how she came to
get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great
patience and then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if
he could help her. She sat and waited three hours before the doctor
reappeared. The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?"

He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the
Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service and the Bureau
of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a
recreational area. I'm sorry, but they turned me down."

GOD BLESS AMERICA
 

[luvnjewelry]

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the
 kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on
 where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she
 is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is
 menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with
 duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on
 fire. No further studies are expected.
 

[Snooper]

...No further studies are expected.

HAHAH I like that one!

"My car broke down officer," says the woman.


"Well, what the hell are those obscene cardboard pictures doing there by
the road?" asks the officer.


"Helllllooooo... those are my emergency flashers!" she replied.

ROTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Diamondsbylauren]

That reminds me of this flasher that was going to retire. In the end he decided to stick it out for a couple more years.

[Awestruck]

A tramp walked into an upmarket jewellers and stood there scratching his backside. The manager approached him and asked him what he thought he was doing. The tramp pointed out the sign in the window, saying "Come inside and pick your ring in comfort".

[luvnjewelry]

That reminds me of this flasher that was going to retire. In the end he decided to stick it out for a couple more years.

 

A tramp walked into an upmarket jewellers and stood there scratching his backside. The manager approached him and asked him what he thought he was doing. The tramp pointed out the sign in the window, saying "Come inside and pick your ring in comfort".

 

[Snooper]

  I gotta compile a list of these jokes to share! I never have jokes!

[BigRed]

> The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all
> the background checks,
> interviews, and testing were done there were 3
> finalists. Two men and a
> woman.
>
> For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the
> men to a large metal door
> and handed him a gun.
>
> "We must know that you will follow your instructions
> no matter what the
> circumstances. Inside the room you will find your
> wife sitting in a chair.
> Kill Her!
>
> The man said, "You can't be serious, I could never
> shoot my wife." The agent
> said, "Then you're not the right man for this job.
> Take your wife and go
> home."
>
> The second man was given the same instructions. He
> took the gun and went
> into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes.
> The man came out with
> tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my
> wife."
>
> The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take
> your wife and go home."
>
> Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the
> same instructions, to
> kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the
> room. Shots were heard,
> one after another. They heard screaming, crashing,
> banging on the walls.
> After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened
> slowly and there stood
> the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow.
>
> "This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to
> beat him to death with
> the chair."
>
> MORAL: Women are evil. Don't mess with them         

[BigRed]

 

[Snooper]

 

[diamondjunkie]

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Mrs Mitchell]

A tramp walked into an upmarket jewellers and stood there scratching his backside. The manager approached him and asked him what he thought he was doing. The tramp pointed out the sign in the window, saying "Come inside and pick your ring in comfort".

Finally, after 3 years of dating and four years of marriage, I managed to make my husband laugh out loud at a joke!

[Mrs Mitchell]

That reminds me of this flasher that was going to retire. In the end he decided to stick it out for a couple more years.

And another one made him laugh! (Well, this one got more of a snigger, but still, better than I usually get.) Must be the way I tell 'em!

[BigRed]

What he didn't find a woman beating her husband to death with a chair funny!? sheeeesh! 

[GracefulLion]

What he didn't find a woman beating her husband to death with a chair funny!? sheeeesh! 

Why does it feel soo perfect that you posted that one BR!?