Stupid Joke Thread

[joia]

 
Joia

[Mrs Mitchell]

 A crusty old man walks into the local Church and says to the
secretary, "I would like to join this damn church."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon,sir. I must have
misunderstood you. What did you say?"

  "Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!"

 "I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this
 church."

 The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the pastor's study to inform
 him  of her situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does not have
to listen  to that foul language.

They both return to her office and the pastor asks the old geezer, "Sir,
 what seems to be the problem here?"

 "There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won $200 million bucks
  in  the damn lottery and I want to join this damn church to get rid of some of this damn money. "

"I see," said the pastor. "And is this bitch giving you a hard time?"

[luvnjewelry]

LMAO Jen!    So great to start my day out with a few funnies.....

[BigRed]

 

[Snooper]

ROTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Michi]

OMG, these are so funny!  Mrs. M - that was hilarious!

Here's one:

Victoria's secret
Husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife for her birthday! He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price, the more sheer, the higher the price.  Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.  Upstairs, the wife thinks, I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.  She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose. The husband says, "Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!"

He never heard the shot. Funeral on Thursday at Noon. Closed coffin!!

[Snooper]

ROTF!!!!

[joia]

 
Joia

[luvnjewelry]

OMG...  That is Hilarious Michi!!  LOL!!

[Michi]

Ok, sorry everyone - stop me when you can...

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from.  So he says, "Do you know me?  To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."  Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."

[Michi]

This isn't a joke, but it's pretty funny.  Here's to all you moms out there!

http://www.youtube.c...=related&search=

[diamondjunkie]

Okay, I thought the teacher one was good until I almost wet myself watching that link.  I've just sent it to all my friends!  My DH is gonna howl over that one too!

[acebruin]

michi you're on fire!

[Snooper]

ROTF post #61, and the youtube was pretty funny!

[Mrs Mitchell]

More, more, more!!!

Keep 'em coming

[djm195]

Here's one for all you Math wizards.
(WARNING: WM DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER--out of respect for your Southern Sensibility).


Note found on the refrigerator one morning:

My Dear Honey,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy.  I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife.  Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will spend the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please do not be upset, I shall be home before midnight.

When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:

My Dear Husband,

I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old.  I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old.  As you know, I am a math professor at our local college.  I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach.  He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old.  As a successful businessman who has excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one very small difference--18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.

[Mrs Mitchell]

ROFLMAO!!!!!

Wife comes home from her health check at the Dr's surgery and tells her husband "good news! I'm perfectly healthy. In fact, the doctor says I have the breasts of an 18 year old." Husband snorts in disbelief and asks "what did he say about your 50 year old ass?"

"why honey, I don't believe he mentioned you at all" was her reply

[acebruin]

[Snooper]

DJM and Jenn! ROTF!!!! Love these!!!

[luvnjewelry]

DJM and Jenn! ROTF!!!! Love these!!!

LMAO!!

 I have a ton of great emails that I would love to post on this thread,  the problem is---they may be way too "raunchy".   Imagine that...people sending me raunchy emails!!?

[Trinkette]

Another Chinese Toy Recalled.

[Snooper]

 

[GracefulLion]

OMG!!!!!

[Mrs Mitchell]

DJM and Jenn! ROTF!!!! Love these!!!

LMAO!!

 I have a ton of great emails that I would love to post on this thread,  the problem is---they may be way too "raunchy".   Imagine that...people sending me raunchy emails!!?

Could you clean them up a little (I had to do that with the Damned Church joke...)

Trinkette that is terrible! 

[acebruin]

that is just wrong!  lol