Share Your Funny Kid Moments

[clgwli]

Tell her to be careful with the pepper spray though.  I have a funny story to share with you about it.  My dad gave it to me when I went to college.  Going to a big university in a larger city he was worried for my safety; understandably so.  So I had it on my key chain.  Our dorm rooms had those big heavy steel doors that would auto shut on you for safety reasons (hard to forget to close your door behind you).  Well one day I came in with a lot of stuff in my hands and left the keys in the door.  The door slammed shut as usual and my keys swung in such a way that the pepper spray got smashed in the door.

My floor hated me for a few hours

We all laughed at it later but man did it stink.  For many many months after that if I touched my keys a lot and then touched my mouth, I'd feel a little burn. 

I say that story only to make you smile!

I will say I am very much relieved to hear that there were no guys in the bathroom.  To me that is beyond unacceptable.  Still having a hallway that packed stinks.

I hope she has fun at class and enjoys her zumba class.  It is a whole lot of fun to do IMO.  I love Latin dancing and this is full of it.  She should have a blast with it!  Hopefully she'll meet like kinds there.

Remind her again how large the campus is.  She's seeing a very tiny percentage of the student body.  She might be more comfortable with upperclassmen who aren't into the "FREEDOM!!!  LET'S PARTY!" mentality. 

Coming from friends who dropped out like that, only a tiny percentage finished school.  I would try to have her stick it out through one term. 

I also think that letting her come home every week will make the homesick thing worse.  I remember a couple friends who were counselors at camps that lasted 2-4 weeks, they did not allow kids to go home the first weekend ever, it usually made home sickness worse.  But again that's her choice.  She will not be making friends as easily if she doesn't hang out somewhere quiet on weekends.  She will find it, I promise.

However these are my opinions and she should have the final say with that at least.  I think you may have a say in her sticking it out if you are helping pay for the education.  While an adult it is your money if that is the case. 

I am sure everything will settle in and your wife will be able to go to Italy happily.  You did raise a wonderful daughter and if given the opportunity she will shine in college!  It is hard especially if you are close to family to go away.

[Mrs Mitchell]

Honest opinion? I wouldn't visit, or if I did, it would be a quick, breezy 'isn't it nice here, lets have lunch' sort of visit. I wouldn't encourage her to come home at weekends right now either. She needs to work this out for herself, as a young adult. She isn't going to be able to do that if she can lean on you guys to that extent.

You've established it isn't really a safety concern and you've listened to her issues about where she's living but heard that they aren't significant enough to make her want to change accommodation. To me, it sounds like....you've heard it. I would start to change the subject kindly and gently, don't be available for 2am skyped complaints (because things look worse at that time of night and problems grow arms and legs that tend to be hard to amputate in the morning). Don't be complicit in her talking herself out of staying at the college she chose.

Step back, let her figure it out. She will, because you've raised her right and given her the resources to make the best of situations and to make good decisions.

[DiamondsAreForever]

She should stick it out!  Maybe in a different dorm room, but she should stick it out. 

[Mikla]

+1

[DiamondsAreForever]

Honest opinion? I wouldn't visit, or if I did, it would be a quick, breezy 'isn't it nice here, lets have lunch' sort of visit. I wouldn't encourage her to come home at weekends right now either. She needs to work this out for herself, as a young adult. She isn't going to be able to do that if she can lean on you guys to that extent.

You've established it isn't really a safety concern and you've listened to her issues about where she's living but heard that they aren't significant enough to make her want to change accommodation. To me, it sounds like....you've heard it. I would start to change the subject kindly and gently, don't be available for 2am skyped complaints (because things look worse at that time of night and problems grow arms and legs that tend to be hard to amputate in the morning). Don't be complicit in her talking herself out of staying at the college she chose.

Step back, let her figure it out. She will, because you've raised her right and given her the resources to make the best of situations and to make good decisions.

+1

[lovecolor]

Hi DJM,  I have been thinking about your daughter all week and I'm hoping that it's gotten better for her over the past couple of days now that school has started !      

Have the kids settled down in her dorm yet ?  I hope she feels a little more comfortable now...and a lot less threatened!       

[clgwli]

I've been thinking about her and you all a lot too!  I do hope that things have started to settle down some for her (and you all) by now.

[djm195]

After reading how well clgwli's dear son is doing in pre school, I thought I'd pop in here and give you a status report.

Things with DD have gone from bad to worse. We had an absolutely wonderful time visiting with her this weekend. She stayed with us in the hotel on Saturday night...we went to dinner and took her to a movie. It was so fun. I love being with my two best girls. ( I know, I know Jen...I shouldve made it a quick lunch and called it a day...but she seemed so happy and we were having a blast. We couldn't help ourselves. You will see when it's Amelia, lol.)
 
When we got home on Sunday evening she called and was a mess. She was crying so hard she couldn't breathe. She wanted to come home and asked me what it took for me to do something about it. 
 
We talked for quite awhile. We told her that it was normal to miss us. So she says:

"I miss you so much Daddy. And I understand that its normal to miss people. I understand that. But I don't think its normal to go 10 days and not be happy until you and Mom come visit me. I'm not like DS#1 and I can usually find the good in situations, and I can't here. I just feel like you don't understand how lonely I feel even when Im with my new friends that I really like here. Im sick of crying and feeling this way and I can't deal with it an entire semester. That isn't good for anyones mental state."

I told her that she was romanticizing being home. There is no doubt in my mind that she will be lonely if she moves back because all her friends have moved on. There is no one here for her. I told her that the only thing she has here is us and thats not good enough for her. I want more for her and its not in our little town. I said that her friends will move on as they mature and develop college friends. Its just part of it...they won't be the same friends that she left this summer.
 
Its like pushing a bird out of the nest and seeing them hit the ground...do you pick them up and put them back in the nest?

*sigh*

WM...how's your son acclimating?   

[oldmancoyote]

Come to the edge.
It's too high.
Come to the edge.
We may fall!
COME TO THE EDGE!
And they came,
and he pushed,
and they flew.

Christopher Logue

[lovecolor]

djm, you said all the right stuff.  Now you have to believe she can be happy there, in time...and she will start to believe it too.  The fact she has made friends that she likes is proof that she can be.  The loneliness will fade and the school friends will become like a second family that she'll find comfort with.  Some kids just need a little extra time.  Maybe you made it just too darn cozy and comfortable in that nest of yours...but in the end, it will not only help her fly, but help her soar higher than she herself could even imagine, at this moment in time anyway!  I have no doubt that she can adapt to her new surroundings...but love coming home when she has too all the same.

(Note to self...start the beatings soon, so my son next year won't have this issue of wanting to come home...)             

[clgwli]

I have to agree... send her to fly, she won't fail.  You've done a great job of raising your children, that is clear, so you know she will fly.  I do think you shouldn't be quite so available to her.  Keep the talks shorter, don't let her come home, don't do more than a lunch here and there.  Keep her immersed in school and the home sick part will go away.

She has friends already which is a great sign.  I know this has to be tough though.

... and remind me in 15 years what I said here.  I get all weepy just thinking about him going away to college.

[Mrs Mitchell]

Oh, this must be so hard for you and your wife. I wonder, if it's such a trauma for her (and you) then maybe she just isn't ready for college? Not everyone is at that age, and if it's making her this unhappy, is it really worth it?

I mean, baby birds do get pushed out of the nest, but most of them will at least flap their wings a little - she isn't ready or able do that, so perhaps she has to think of an alternative until she is ready.

While I would want her to stick it out (and maybe take just a little bit of a harder line about working to settle in) I would also let her make her own choices. If leaving this particular college at this particular time is her decision, I suppose I'd have to support that (like it or not).

This brings back vivid memories of step children going to university - all worked out in the end, and it will for your daughter too, but yeah, it's hard. Hugs.

[djm195]

Thank you Jen. 

We are going the route of " taking just a little bit of a harder line about working to settle in" approach as you said.

I don't think it is a good idea to make life altering decisions when she is emotional. So...she has no other choice but to work it out until the semester is over.

djm

[Mrs Mitchell]

Good for you! Not the easy route by any means, but you're absolutely right - no one makes good decisions when they are emotional. I hope the settling in happens sooner rather than later, and we're all here if you need to vent / cry a little in the meantime.

It's a blip - you'll all get through it.

[clgwli]

Good for you! Not the easy route by any means, but you're absolutely right - no one makes good decisions when they are emotional. I hope the settling in happens sooner rather than later, and we're all here if you need to vent / cry a little in the meantime.

It's a blip - you'll all get through it.

Very well said!!  I was literally about the say the same thing.

We're here to support because I know it cannot be easy.

[ah2bqat]

Better your dilemma than mine, DJM; but either end of the spectrum is hard on us seniors.  I think you are taking the proper tack, hard as it may be.  It will just take a little time for her to adjust to all that's new and unfamiliar.  Let her vent to you, as she needs.  She's just looking for some reassurance as she finds her feet.

It brings to mind that old Alan Sherman song about Camp Granada.  you know, the one where the cousellors hate the waiters and the lake has alligators, with the refrain of 'Take me home, oh muddah, faddah; Take me home, I hate Granada. Don't leave me out in the forest where, I might - get eaten by a bear'.  Then the rain stops and suddenly summer camp is a really cool place to be.

for you youngsters...http://www.youtube.c.../watch?v=D2Hx_X84LC0